dating

Devalue said:
Never went on a date. What would the point be? Desires none of the goals of dating. Amounts to effort without reward.
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A loving partner to keep you company would be a good reward, I guess. ☺️
 
Sweet Serenity said:
A loving partner to keep you company would be a good reward, I guess. ☺️
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For many people, sure. Comes with a maintenance cost. May not be particularly keen on that upkeep.

Could always go the friend route instead. Implies fewer demands and expectations. Has not sought out friends in some time either. (Community, yes, but not friends. Argues for safety being the driving force for friendship.)
 
Devalue said:
For many people, sure. Comes with a maintenance cost. May not be particularly keen on that upkeep.

Could always go the friend route instead. Implies fewer demands and expectations. Has not sought out friends in some time either. (Community, yes, but not friends. Argues for safety being the driving force for friendship.)
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A lot of things come with that "maintenance cost." I guess it just depends on whether or not it's worth it for you personally.
 
We just passed our 4th anniversary (December 28th)! I met my boyfriend on a dating app, we talked exclusively online for about a month then met in person, started dating "long distance" for a bit (he lived about an hour and a half away so not super far, not super close - he mostly came to visit me on the weekends), then he moved to my city and we are living together currently. It's been going pretty well!

I do notice there's a prevailing (but not completely untrue) sentiment that dating apps are mostly for hookups or casual dating, or that it produces less authentic relationships because you're not meeting organically, but I think they are what you make them and how you use them. I personally always made it clear I'm not looking for something casual and most of the men that I replied to were willing to take it slow and just chat with me, get to know each other first before making any plans to meet in person. Although I met my boyfriend on a dating app, I do believe we became friends first and I would say to this day our friendship remains the strongest part of our relationship - I don't think any of it was tarnished by the fact we did not meet by chance or that we went into it seeking a relationship.

I say all this because I was also once very apprehensive about dating apps and had the same negative opinions about them, but I do think now that if you are not in a situation where you can easily meet a potential dating partner (and you want to date), then it doesn't hurt to try them. ymmv though and I will also not pretend it's going to be the same for everyone; women generally get a lot more attention than men, and I also don't know what the experience is like for LGBT+ people.
 
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i met my boyfriend online and we met in person abt a year after we started talking. we hit it off and we've been together for 5 years now (and 3 months), we were long distance at first and saw each other at least once or twice a year (except in 2020 during the pandemic), but i moved states a year ago and we live together now with his family. we have been trying to get a place but the housing market (and other things outside our control) have just been a lot lately.

it has been more interesting getting to know each other more deeply, our quirks, things like that. we have had more disagreements due to living together being a different situation than only seeing each other once or twice a year, but that makes sense. we always make sure to talk things out in a healthy matter and i have been trying to get better at not shutting down after experiencing intense emotion or confrontation (i believe it may be a trauma response). i am just very grateful meeting him worked out and fate led me to my boyfriend who truly loves me for me.
 
tigertron said:
I'm sure that's not true. There's someone out there for everyone. :smile:
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While that's a great sentiment to have, there are plenty of people that just don't have that same interest in others. (People that are aromantic come to mind.) Or there are those that are happier not being in a relationship. After the stress of last year, I've figured that I'm one of those people.

It's not to say that I'm lonely or that I need a romantic partner to keep me company. I have someone in my life that I enjoy spending time with, and we've done a lot together that I wouldn't have done without him. It's just not a traditional relationship, but he's the most important person in my life.

To answer OP's question: I have dated both online and offline. Though I appreciate the experiences for what they taught me, my life is better without it.
 
I generally avoid getting too close to people to avoid the possibility of them developing feelings for me. This isn't me putting myself down but rather because I don't really /feel/ love. I love my parents, but I'm not really able to develop strong feelings of affection towards others. Not to say I'm emotionless (far from it) but it would feel like I were lying. I wish I could, though, I'd be less lonely for sure.
 
I started dating someone new around 2016. I can be super shy at first, so it took me some time to open up to someone. We met through a dating app, but since our parents lived within 10 minutes of each other, I don't consider it as a truly blind meet up. We had attended the same middle school and rival high schools. Who knows, we could have crossed paths during that time, but since I was even MORE shy back then, it would have never happened. We've had our ups and downs like any typical relationship, but it's the first time where I felt loved for all that I am. We are each other's best friend. I would do anything for him and vice versa. We will cherish, support, challenge, and annoy each other. He's the anchor I needed in my life. He helped me through a time where I didn't want to continue with life, yet here I am. We had a beautiful wedding around the end of 2020.

As for advice to others, never give up on yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. I never thought I'd meet someone I connect with so well. If you asked me in 2015 about dating, I believed I would die alone. Sometimes, we are our own worst critic, always nitpicking our own appearance or putting ourselves down. There is someone out there that will cherish you for who you are. You might have to put your heart out / get burned many times to find this special someone, but statistically, I think there is a partner out there for everyone (or multiple partners or zero partners!). Sending hugs.
 
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I'm honestly at the point where I have given up on dating. Mostly cause I for one am a firm believer that there ain't someone out there for me... and if there is they're probably on the other side of the galaxy at this stage.
But also the fact I'm so socially inept at expressing feelings for someone else (or feelings in general) and the only way I generally communicate and express feelings is through memes and shithousery that I just... I don't have any hope for myself lmao.
 
Sweet Serenity said:
Being married definitely seems ideal. There are times that I do imagine myself with a loving spouse, but I don't understand how it could happen. I don't know what it takes to get married.
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there's a lot of jokes about how terrible it is to be "chained to a wife" etc., but honestly being married feels fantastic for me. for it to be successful though, it probably requires partners who truly feel like there are no red flags or things that cause unease between them, or those need to be properly sorted out to assure full trust between the partners, before marriage is on the table. for me, our marriage means that we will support each other through thick and thin, for life now. i really care about them and want them to succeed and be happy, and they feel the same for me.

we're not religiously married, but legally. so there's nothing about being sworn together with an obligation in the eyes of god or anything, we're literally sticking ourselves together because we want to and believe it makes both of us stronger, healthier and happier in life.

so, marriage can be ideal, indeed :) for those who want it and are able to find someone who is good for them.
 
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