Life is overall moving in a positive direction. I get by with money. My friends and family are good to me. I have a good boyfriend and healthy pets. I am in a creative period artistically. I have also some exciting events plans to look forward to. The trouble is I'm having flashbacks of an abusive ex sometimes. He can pop up in my mind when my life is at my most hopeful, he's like a little demon who just can't let me go. A dating counselor told me this is a normal reaction to trauma and part of our defense system i.e if you've been attacked by a bear while walking a trail, your mind will make you think about bears for your protection, even as you walk a peaceful outdoor trail.
I was in a relationship where I was hurt, bullied, humiliated, controlled and blackmailed. The shame of what he did to me and what I watched him to do others all comes back to me sometimes when I am alone, and it feels like a fresh wound that happened this year. I feel angry at myself that I did not stand up to him earlier. I wish I had never met him.