I might have said it already a few times but no, I'm not quite happy here. It's strange to say it because if I look into it, my area is not bad at all! I live in the countryside (sort of), with gardens, fields and all that, but I'm still close to most shops, services, and public transport options. In two hours or less I can reach a bunch of different cities of my region, with all the events and special things they could offer, and far more bustling than the little towns around here.
My region overall looks like a good place to raise a family, it feels developed and productive, services may be sloppy at times but they usually work alright, and even the weather, the nature, it all works out alright in the end. There's so much to explore too if you feel like it and can put up with crowds or traffic~
So, like I said, it's weird to think I'm not happy here. I almost feel guilty admitting that. But there's just a few things that throw me off. First, you could say that the grass is always greener elsewhere - I've had that mindset for a while now and while I'm trying to not fall into that trap any longer, it's factual that there's places around the world that work better for me when it comes to certain things. Like politics, for example. I've found myself thinking "oh, if X party from X country was actually Italian, I'd vote for them immediately", while also being quite disappointed with most parties from here, no matter their political views. Not sure why that is, other than maybe... trusting institutions more in those other places and seeing people hold politicians more accountable.
The second thing I don't quite like is more about my specific area. I'd probably be ok living in an actual small town, commuting if I need to, but this ain't it. The countryside where I live still doesn't have things like bike paths or easily available shops or services (which is totally understandable), and yet more and more houses are being built around here, often by lone individuals who simply build a small group of houses in whatever weird style they can think of. It's starting to feel more and more like an american suburb, or "exurb", and there's not a big sense of community or anything, which is reflected in the local major's... lack of initiative, I'd say. Technically this is more like my fault because yes, there's some people my age living in close proximity, there are possibilities to meet up at each other's house, but I've never felt too comfortable with that way of doing things. And they're just not enough people! Plus... let's be real, you're still quite car-dependent here, and I'm not that happy about that either.
And please, let me spend a word here for the kind of mindset that I've internalized over time by living here. Stuff such as "I have my own land and garden and I can do literally anything I want in it" but also "I don't care at all what happens outside of here" or "I wish I had 5 meters high concrete walls around my property with barbed wire and guards..."
Well, it's not that extreme, but some people around here seem to go in that direction. I can't even blame them, as there's been an increase in burglaries all around the area lately (mostly to steal agricultural machines, lawn-mowers and such, or just make good use of the low density of buildings to go unnoticed), but it's not a good mindset to have. If you don't care about the public spaces around you, someone else will take them for themselves. And if you care too much about the safety of someone, you might choke them out of certain possibilities in life.
And to go even more on the personal side of things, living with family is not the best for me right now. I'm quite struggling to communicate with them in any way, and some of their mindsets are just... not the best. And I guess I'm fine with leaving it at that 🙃 I guess I can't quite complain about my situation, but I wish I could simply make it better and make it more my own, as scary as it can be to take those steps.
And yes, I want to leave. I should even have a good chance to do so, given what I'm learning at university and what job opportunities (all over Europe, at least) that can offer. I'll always have something in me that comes back to my region, my birthplace and all, but I guess that's not even telling the full story anymore. I can be more than this ♥
